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Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Motherhood and other mothers

This is sort of a rant and it isn't directed at anyone before anyone calls me about it, it's a general frustrated rant. Being a mother is hard work. It's equally rewarding and exhausting. It's hard enough by itself without getting criticism from other mother's about how "wrong" you are doing everything. (People fail to notice what all you do right) I get frustrated at times when I get criticized when my kiddos are having a bad day. Sitting still while you are eating out was hard when I was a kid and I don't think it's gotten any easier over the years. It's boring for a 4 year old and picking up random scraps of goodness knows what off the floor is way more amusing than listening to the grown ups talk. If you put a big pretty glass bird on the shelf it's like asking tiny little hands to take it for a test flight...and said bird might get broken. Just saying....

It's frustrating when people expect my child to be as angelic as their own little angels. My kids aren't angels. I'm not fooling myself a bit there. If you know me at all you know that I am 100% realistic about my strengths and weaknesses as a mother. I want my children to be wonderful, expressive, curious little people and sometimes they like to throw themselves in the floor and kick and scream and pound their adorable little fist. Is this embarassing? Yes it is. You looking at me like I'm a awful mom while it's going on isn't helping anything. People fail to realize that for every 1 time this horrid humiliating tantrum happens there are another 50 times that we managed to go out in public and walk quietly beside mom and be completely well behaved. It's hard, I'm doing the best I can, I love my little monsters and you telling me how you think I'm doing and what you think I ought to do different really isn't changing much. Every child is different and I'm sorry if I don't like the off hand comments about how awful my kids are. I don't expect them to be perfect and I'm extremely realistic that they aren't. They are kids. Kids are kids and some days kids aren't good. Period.

I find myself drawn to mom's who know that their children are imperfect. Children that sometimes climb furniture and color on the walls. Mom's who have found a half empty jar of their expensive lotion and find the other half smeared all over a window, or the kid. Mom's who's kids get into their makeup and make "bad boy" badges up and down their arms. These mom's help me laugh at the little things that drive me nuts and help me realize that I'm not a bad mom and that my kid isn't a bad kid, she just a kid and kids do crazy stuff. Mom's who come home from outings with their kids that feel like they got hit by a truck in the process. Those mom's are so easy to be around because you can call them when your newborn blows her diaper up all over you in the car and you have to improvise because you forgot to restock your diaper bad and laugh hysterically along with you. Who completely understand what you mean when you say that you have had a completely horrible, not so good, very bad mom day.

It's been awesome being a mother with my sister. Our girls are 2 months apart almost to the minute. We didn't plan it that way at all, it just happened. Alli and Alyssa are so much alike. I've had numerous phone calls from my sister that begin with this statement "If someone came to the door and offered to buy my child today I'd totally have sold her." I've made this same observation I don't know how many times, I never meant it (well not totally...). Amanda makes me feel so much better, and that's what parenting our children should be like. Mom's should lift each other up, not tear each other down with hurtful comments about how awful your kid is. So any mom reading this, next time you start to rip down another mom, or look on disdainfully as a child throws a big public fit remember being a mom is hard work for ALL mothers (and if you found motherhood to be so easy please lord let me know what crazy pill you are on so that I can get myself a prescription). Lift each other up. That's what all of us should do as mothers, and if you aren't doing this then maybe you just found something to work on in 2012.

End of my mothering rant. Now off to scrub crayola off the wall.....

3 comments:

Selena said...

Ohh it's like you totally plucked this blog post from inside my head!

beccabrandon said...

I have said this very same thing atleast 100 times if not more. It is one thing to offer advice or your opinion on a situation if asked for it, it is another to totally try to rip some honest hard working momma a new one. Moms that do that usually need to step back and look in the mirror, because their "perfect angels" usually aren't its just a cover up. I have not seen you in forever, but i know that you are an awesome mom doing everything for the best of your beautiful little girls and that is all anyone can realistically ask of you.

Honey and Pappy said...

I speak from experience when I say I would just contain the crayon marks to her room, and paint over it when she is 10!